You never knew..

Hello!

Emilykay10144 here...

First, I think this piece is beautiful.

Second, I absolutely think this is brilliant with all the metaphors you have put in this poem.

A single face I am to you

Lost in the crowds of millions

Yet memories put aside

Till they remained no more

These lines are my favorite in this whole poem. You really showed the reader of what the MC feels like to the person the MC is in love with. I absolutely love how this can be in both gender perspectives.

I think that some of the sentences could use some commas here and there. Just to add some more depth in the story, but seriously I'm in love with this poem

Keep up the great work! I love it!

-Emilykay10144

Heyo, Subtle here for a review! Wow, this poem was gut-wrenching, especially with how you've written it. The metaphors in here has shaped a very emotional landscape for the readers to get intimate with the MC. That desperation to speak out but still be entrapped in her own silence for the fear of simple speaking out is a suffocating one, and I think your poem reflects that very well on the whole. All your lines work and connect together to create this feeling.

So, I will say a few things in here, but I'm no master in poetry, these are just my humble opinions.

Oh love of mine

Have you never felt

My love and my hurt

Oh love of mine

I noticed the lack of stanzas in this poem, not all poems needs stanza but I think your poem's meaning would be clearer if you divided it into stanzas because in some places everything just sort of blurs together. I think you should start a new stanza after the bolded part.

The pain and my longing

A single face I am to you

Stanza after bolded part, start a stanza when you start a new idea or line that differs from what is above. I know that all sentences in this poem are connected together to the central theme, but remember that saying about longing and pain and then, a single face is actually quite different. And while I'm here, I might also say that in some places. You narrated the feelings to us rather then show it. Remember the old rule of show don't tell? Like how you said,

The pain and my longing

That is saying the MC's pain and longing, I'm sure there is another way to show it to us. The thing about showing (which means using figurative language accurately and daringly) is that readers can make their own decisions about what is going on. So that they feel much more connected.

Yet not a word could I utter

In you I have always seen

Stanza after bolded part, see how it here the two lines seem to run and blur together? It makes the meaning a bit more confusing, also if you separate it into stanzas it will be much more clearer to the readers. Like short snatches here and there instead of one long poem. I'm going stop with my stanza-ness here because I'm sure you can figure the rest out.

As the very breath I take

For the words I mutter

Find no meaning without you

Hm, those three lines are quite cliché as it is the same for some other lines in this poem. but I've selected those three for an example. I'm sure you know that as writers, you should try and avoid clichés as much as possible. I mean, a cliché here and there is good. Because sometimes a good cliché is what we need. Now, I know you've woven your own ideas and thoughts into this, but read those three lines again. You know they are a bit overrated and overused, the thing about cliché is that they make your poem seem meaningless because they have been used so many times.

So, that's just another one to watch out. One last thing before I wrap this review up is to watch out for your punctuation. Now, once again. I'm no punctuation Gandalf, but I will suggest you at least punctuate your poem at the right places. Because it gives your poem a steady flow and also, brings out some of the meanings.

Oh love of mine

Have you never felt?

^You could add a question mark. I won't go on too much, but you get what I mean.

Also with stanzas, is that it makes some of the repetition in your poem have meanings and less redundant. I have noticed you have used 'yet', 'but', 'as' and 'in' at least twice. Now, I'd recommend that you do not repeat things in a poem twice but in this case, I know you're trying to empathize a certain pattern here. But that pattern won't be clear until you've separated this poem into stanzas.

So overall, I really do like this poem. Is a very dynamic and powerful read that exploits the emotions of unable to profess one's love. It just needs a bit of tweaking here and there, not even tweaking. There are just really minor things. So, keep up the great work! I'd love to read more!

~S.s